How to use Facebook to increase your chances of getting a job

After hearing stories of companies looking up potential employees' Facebook profiles to size them up and search for things like compromising photos, I came up with the idea of creating an alternate profile that you can use whenever you submit a job application. The following is sort of a generic template that you can modify depending on the specifics of the job you’re applying for. As for the basic info section, try to find out the religious and political views of your potential employer so that you can immediately conform to them. Also be sure to upload lots of photos of yourself pretending to study hard (surround yourself with books and crumpled papers, look frustrated, and blot your forehead with a damp cloth to give the appearance of light perspiration) as well as photos of medals being placed around your neck or ribbons being pinned to your breast. Click here for a great example that you can use yourself if you resemble this guy.

Personal Info
Activities: Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, Teach For America, United Way Volunteer, Habitat for Humanity, volunteer firefighter, pilot, gig musician, congressional page (didn't have internet sex with Congressman Mark Foley), occasional guest host of Larry King Live

Interests: excelling, achieving, accomplishing, being motivated, working around the clock, striving for my best, doing charity work, leadership, productivity, being able to work both independently and in a group setting, taking charge, executing important decisions under heavy pressure, meeting deadlines, having a good sense of humor

Favorite Music: Queen - We Are The Champions, Europe - The Final Countdown, Survivor - Eye of the Tiger, anything that inspires me to work overtime for no extra pay

Favorite TV Shows: the news

Favorite Movies: the top ten of the AFI's all-time greatest films list

Favorite Books: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, How To Win Friends & Influence People, Harry Potter, The Da Vinci Code

Favorite Quotes: (NOTE: For clarity purposes, the following quotations have been minimally edited with brackets)

"Winners never quit and quitters never win [and I assure you Aaron Terr has never quit]."
-Vince Lombardi

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing [and Aaron Terr's is certainly a daring adventure]."
-Helen Keller

"[Aaron Terr] are still masters of our fate. [Aaron Terr] are still captains of our soul."
-Winston Churchill

"A wise man [such as Aaron Terr] will make more opportunities than he finds."
-Francis Bacon
"Go confidently in the direction of [Aaron Terr]. Live the life [he has] imagined."
-Henry David Thoreau

About Me: I think the above information sums up fairly well who I am and what I'm about. I am driven by an urgent and fiery will to succeed and never settle for less than my very best. Put me in coach, I'm ready to play.