Miss Teen South Carolina Still Bangable

A national Gallup poll revealed that the vast majority of Americans would still bang the ever-loving shit out of Miss Teen South Carolina, Caitlin Upton, despite her awkward and embarrassing display of unfathomable stupidity during the 2007 Miss Teen USA contest. Poll takers were presented with the following carefully worded question:

Now that you know she is dumber than a bag of rocks, how far would you go sexually with Miss Teen South Carolina?

a) I would kiss her
b) I would feel her boobs
c) I would bang the ever-loving shit out of her
d) I wouldn’t touch that rambling incoherent jackass

84% answered “c.” Only two respondents answered “d"; both commented that that they are openly gay.

These poll results confirm the theory that being semi-retarded does not necessarily make one’s face any less beautiful or one’s breasts any less round and supple.