Larry King Buried Alive By Accident

The still-living body of CNN anchor Larry King was exhumed from its grave in Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn earlier today after he was mistakenly buried alive. King had been pronounced dead at New York Presbyterian Hospital on Saturday and was interred Tuesday afternoon. A man walking by King's grave this morning heard what sounded like a muffled human voice coming from beneath the ground and immediately reported it to the cemetery's supervisor. Apparently King, who is occasionally delusional, was unaware that he was buried in the earth. The excavators, who expected King to be screaming for help, said that they instead heard him calmly saying things like "We'll be right back with more from comedian Bill Maher, don't go away" from inside his coffin. Family members who reported King's death claimed that he wasn't breathing and had no heartbeat, in addition to being "hunched over like a jumbo shrimp." But it is probable that his heart was actually still beating at its normal four beats per minute. King, pictured at left with his great-granddaughter, will return to hosting Larry King Live tomorrow.

[CORRECTION: The above blurb identifies the woman pictured with Larry King as his great-granddaughter. It is actually his wife, Shawn Southwick.]