Obama Puts Country Seventh

At this year's Republican National Convention, one of the major themes was "putting country first." Some critics on the left resented the implication that Democratic nominee Barack Obama does not put his country first. Now, however, evidence has surfaced that suggests Obama not only doesn't put country first, he puts it as low as seventh. The following was written on a crumpled piece of paper found in the wastebasket in Obama's Senate office:

"The Order in Which I Put Things:

1. Me
2. Empty rhetoric
3. Michelle's juicy ass
4. Teaching kindergarteners how to suck and fuck
5. "Community organizing" LOL
6. Baked beans, the ones with the smoked bacon flavor
7. Country I guess
8. Appearing on the Ellen DeGeneres show, man she is fucking annoying!"

"I can't say this is very surprising. Look at Sen. Obama's record," said McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds. "He has consistently shown that he is just another member of the me-first, country-seventh, baked beans-sixth, do-nothing Washington crowd. We don't even know what 'country' he was referring to. Germany? Indonesia?"

Bounds further emphasized that McCain always puts his country before himself. "If Sen. McCain had to choose between, you know, like, just relaxing on his patio, and eradicating terrorism, you better believe he would eradicate terrorism first, and only sit on his patio later if he had time."

For his part, Sen. Obama denied that he wrote the list, adding he is unaware how it ended up in his wastebasket. However, he did not deny that he thinks Ellen DeGeneres is annoying.